I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
