Well douche your snatch and let's go!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
