I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
