do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
