Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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