i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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