Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
