I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
