Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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