The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
