update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
