I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
