Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
