Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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