apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
