I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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