Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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