I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
