sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
jump out the window naked night went bad
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
