The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How external is "for external use only"?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
