Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
