so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
