I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
