so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
