I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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