you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
