i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
