Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
