Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize