You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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