Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
