I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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