quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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