Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
