If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can I color on your dick again?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
