I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
