Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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