I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
