i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dont even know how to be here
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
