Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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