its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
