PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
