so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
