Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
