If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
