You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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