I heard we made out
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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