Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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