Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
