Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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