i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this will be a night to untag.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
