Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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