I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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