My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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