So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
