then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
