I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
