and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
