I'm jealous of your bromance
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
