I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Randomize
