my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
