Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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