Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
