I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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