Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
