I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
