Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i out mim tonsoeep
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