Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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