I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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