Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
