How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
