It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize