You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
