He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize