I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
