She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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