The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
